The Preserver (Feb 2001)

Over Time we have no hold, who

Winding down the soundless clocks,

Sets the momentum of our Life.

Over us Time has no hold;

For we who dance to his beats,

Will one day transcend into Eternity.

~ s.s.k.s.

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Silent Plea (Jan 1998)

So many nights, passed in silence

I have yet to shed a single tear

Foolish — what a fool — to think I mustn’t

I am human, you know, if not humane

I do feel, I do ache, like the rest of you

But all I’ve been feeling lately is stoned

Silently screaming, pleading with you

But you, you do not hear me killing me

I wait for the tears to come

But they do not

I wait for the answers to my questions

But I know they will never come

My mind’s all messed up

Are you out there, watching?

Do you know how I feel?

Do I see you standing against that wall, there?

Or is it just me, a figment of my imagination?

A silent plea of help, I wish to be heard

I wish to heal, feeling of healing I do not feel

I know I cannot nor ever will, for no one knows

A burden shared, a burden halved

But who will share, I have not allowed

I miss you all too much — will you come back for me?

Or have I already walked right past you?

I shield myself from all of them

A folly, inevitably

I hurt too much to care

No one knows, I wish someone did

Why won’t the tears come? Why won’t the anger pass?

Why can’t I mend this deceivingly protective,

Thick, brittle shell that now lies broken at my feet?

Why can’t I undo the done? Why can’t I unknow the known?

Why can’t I tell and heal? But who will listen? Will you?

A silent plea, that is all it is

You think a smile is enough a sign

But what lies beneath the face so thick

The pain you cannot feel

The tears you cannot see

The heart you cannot touch

Standing on the edge, looking down

The abyss, dark and inviting, awaits me

I’m getting tired of standing up here, so high, all alone

I will fall soon, either one way or the other

Help me please, before I fall

I beg you, with all that I have

Nothing more, but that single thread of sanity

A silent plea, deny it not.

~ s.s.k.s

I (October 1998)

And I was happy then
Now I wish you would come back to me
I am so sure you are out there, waiting
For me to realize my unforgivable sin
I am here in flesh and blood?
I knew you were gone yesterday, forever
I know you are here in spirit and soul.
I have not yet forgotten the feel of you
And I long to touch you once again
I have been left to wander around aimlessly
Everyday, everynight, and yet not a soul in sight
I hope to find you once again
I have to wait so long – the sooner the better
I think HE does not allow
I have sinned too much – so well
And maybe I do not deserve another chance
I cannot be seen, I cannot be heard, I do not let it be,
I cannot bear to be; I am exposed.
My cries of pain, no one hears
I long to be held, to be loved, to be touched
I know you are there mocking me
I should never have given it up – now I have this.
I wait for you although I know you are of no use to me,
For you lay so still on your bed of soil.
I was promised of fortunes infinite,
Of friends so many, of love so pure,
Of life so full and sacred, an eternity so eternal
I do not see them; I do not see the angels
I do not see the demons – only me
I do not want to roam forever
I want to be reborn; to live life once again.

~ s.s.k.s

Alone (Apr 1998)

Reality hits me smack in the face
From my mother’s womb to the earth’s
From the start till the very end
From destination to destination
There shall be no one else but me
Alone

I have to strive and to conquer
To try but to fail
To pick up the broken pieces
Of the bleeding heart
To calm and console
The wretched crying soul
To find and then tame
The wild and lost mind
Alone

For though we may claim to understand
We are different in ways infinite
If not even I can understand me
How can you?
After all, you are just like me
In thought and in action, in life and in death
In work and in play, in love and in hate
No one will ever understand me
No one has yet to understand them

Is it all too much to ask for
Someone with whom I can empathise?
Worldly fortunes would I give up
Life itself would I sacrifice
Death would I ever so willingly invite
If there could be that one who understands
If I never again have to be
Alone

~ s.s.k.s

Beginnings

It is always most difficult to start. I’ve wanted to do this for a while now. I used to have a website but then it became outdated and I told myself that I would get a blog soon. But I never did. Didn’t have the time. Too much work. Got married. Had a kid. Had other priorities. But now it is time to change all of that. I am back at square one but it’s ok because it’s time for a new beginning and because…I can. I’ll start with publishing some poetry I wrote some time ago. About love mostly. But also about life. And then I’ll take it from there. See where it leads… more poetry… short stories… perhaps even a novel…

“The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” – Lao Tzu

My journey begins here…

~ s.s.k.s