Tag: forgiveness

The Ex

I am not sorry that you’re not here,
I do not wish for things to be different.

You must hate me so much,
For all the pain I have caused you.

I hope you find her someday soon,
The one that is truly made for you.

I know she cannot be me,
Because you are not the one for me.

I am sorry that you’ve had to wait all this time,
Only to realize that we are not meant to be.

Maybe someday once you’ve found her,
You’ll be able to forgive me.

Until then I hope that we will never meet,
I could not bear to see the hate in your eyes for me.

© Sharon Kaur-Schuelke

Forgive Me

You have hurt me, hurt me deep
You stabbed me once before
And I forgave you
But now you stab me once again
Wounding me deeper than before

Betrayal embeds itself in my heart
Twisting itself viciously
Lurching and thrusting unnaturally
I see the sardonic smile, spreading
The silent scream that no one hears

Disappointment twists in the depths of hope
Leaving behind a tiny shard of doubt
Forever embedding itself in my heart
I hear the malicious laughter
Reverberating through my mind

I am in so much pain, but yet I cannot cry
My mind’s eye, a hazy maze; I cannot think
I know my heart is not my own
That maniacal laughter is all I hear
That cold-blodded smile is all I see

My soul cries out for help
Blood curdling screams that fall on deaf ears
No one hears? No one cares?
The very thought that shatters
The brittle wall of my sanity

Who would throw themselves into this abyss?
No one sees, no one knows; only you and I
How can they help what they cannot see?
How can I tell if I cannot speak?
How can I think if you do not let me?

I want to break free from this pain
But no, I will not die; it shall not be
I must be strong for you
I must hold on for me
For life is such a precious thing

This cancerous pain grows everyday
Engulfing all of me, while I breathe
There is just one truth today
That I know I hate you, but oh, I must forgive
For how can I hate myself?

© Sharon Kaur-Schuelke

Suicidal

Silence seeps into the still
The warm night breeze delays its hum
Dancing leaves suspend themselves
The lapping waves have done their deed
It is now time.

I feel the cold touch of your hand
I know you are here with me now
As you patiently wait, consoling yourself
Urging me on, with such haste
I must now choose.

It gleams under the moonlight
Silvery and beautiful, deceivingly innocent
I see my face, the fear in my eyes
Then I see you, the hope in yours
I must do it now.

I close my eyes, shut you out
I say a prayer, would He hear?
I ask the Lord to forgive me, my sins
I pray for deliverance
I am about to do the unforgivable.

I open my eyes, hear your comforting voice
My wrists are slit, I stare with horror at the red
Blood oozes painfully unto my skirt
Tears roll down my cheeks, my body trembles
I am in disbelief.

I did not do this!
I do not remember!
The knife! The knife!
It is stained! The knife!
I do not remember!
I did not do this!

I hear you snarl
But I know I have won
For when I look down at my wrists
No blood do I see
Only the tears I have wept.

You are gone but I’m still here
I look around, listening
The leaves resume dancing
To the soft humming of the wind
The waves lap in response once again.

I know I am safe now
Although I sit here all alone
In the warm darkness
With nothing but a single rose in my lap
And a coffin before me.

© Sharon Kaur-Schuelke