People don’t really give a fuck
It is just I, the fool, that cares
Or wants to anyway
People are just terrified
Of interaction intimacy earnestness
Hiding behind masks of courage
Alive but disconnected
The fuse of life is blown
Our souls festering with doubt and aggression
To live or not to live, deliberated Hamlet
To care or not to care, I wonder
Be cruel, whispers Kindness in my ear
©️ Sharon Kaur-Schuelke
We live in a world where no one really cares
Tell me, friend, do you know what’s going on in the life of the guy next to you on the train, the lady who’s staring right at you, into space
A co-existence vested in shallow desires wants and needs and an aggression that masks your feelings of meaninglessness
If you fell off the face of the earth today how long would it take for your presence to be replaced – how long before the people you love, work with, whom you’ve yet to meet, move on
What forced purpose do you try to adopt in your life to justify the waste of resources and everything that is beautiful in this world to support you in your spiral into death
A spiral that begins the day you are born or perhaps even when you are first conceived; an inevitable truth, the one truth that supremes and trumps all else
A farce this is. A long arduous pointless descent into oblivion.
©️ Sharon Kaur-Schuelke
I am not sorry that you’re not here,
I do not wish for things to be different.
You must hate me so much,
For all the pain I have caused you.
I hope you find her someday soon,
The one that is truly made for you.
I know she cannot be me,
Because you are not the one for me.
I am sorry that you’ve had to wait all this time,
Only to realize that we are not meant to be.
Maybe someday once you’ve found her,
You’ll be able to forgive me.
Until then I hope that we will never meet,
I could not bear to see the hate in your eyes for me.
© Sharon Kaur-Schuelke
Remorse seeps into my heart
Displacing the warmth of happiness
Trust, I do not
Love, I am afraid to
Sacrifice, I refuse to
The mind is unreasonable
And endlessly protects its reservations
I revel in the self-imposed exile
From the chaos of dichotomy
Kindness, I need to offer
Friendship, I turn to
Hope, I must give
The heart is always hopeful
And offers love unconditionally
© Sharon Kaur-Schuelke
The dull ache of pain and agony
The dread of its eternity
Lulls me to sleep tonight.
Cupid and his arrow
A figment of my desperate imagination
Endlessly waiting for that strike.
Loneliness spreads itself through my veins
Patience waits to be rewarded
Wishful thinking is all it is.
© Sharon Kaur-Schuelke
Anguish pounds through my veins
Love shuns my broken heart.
Torn, helpless and wounded,
Fate mocks my lethargy
My destiny, distant and uncertain.
© Sharon Kaur-Schuelke
Time has come for you, to take you away
From this stage where my life enacts itself.
I suppose it is time for me to face my past,
Something which I was so eager to block out.
You, a diversion snatched up in desperation,
But a friendship discovered unexpectedly.
Thank you, dear friend, for that lifeline
That you unknowingly held out to me,
Waking me from the delusion I had led myself into.
Now I remember the me that was before,
What would have been had I gone down the other path.
Thank you, dear friend, for opening my eyes
You have helped me regain that confidence lost,
Pushing me back on track, back into gear.
You have left those precious footprints in my life,
That I shall cherish, for the memories will be sufficient.
Take care, dear friend, and though I might never see you again,
You shall always be remembered and dear to me.
© Sharon Kaur-Schuelke
Tonight once more we shall meet
As I wait in the still of the night
Watching the darkness, once again
You have been delayed.
Your desire a thirst too great to quench the craving
That has embedded itself in your soul forever
Will you be cursed never to redeem your soul
That aches for redemption to love once more
To feel that of which you are incapable
Of expressing human love.
The darkness engulfs me, my thoughts
I feel the teasing of the wind in my hair
The soft whistling as the leaves prepare
To dance the song of death.
© Sharon Kaur-Schuelke
Last night you came to me once more
Like death knocked on my door,
Pure white angels snowy white
Jerked me right out of sleep,
Standing dark and solemn at the foot of my bed
You said let’s fly away over the pale moon,
As warm wind did we embrace
Your touch so cold on my heart,
My soul yearns for the light so warm
So why can’t I see the light at the end of you?
The promise of a new day bright and clear
Brings neither joy nor love into my soul,
Polar regions need no ends
For there is no end to the cold,
Solar regions feel no bends
Because light rays reflect off my soul,
My heart is not yet warm
My soul still so cold,
Take me away from this cruelty
Let me make you my choice.
© Sharon Kaur-Schuelke
You have hurt me, hurt me deep
You stabbed me once before
And I forgave you
But now you stab me once again
Wounding me deeper than before
Betrayal embeds itself in my heart
Twisting itself viciously
Lurching and thrusting unnaturally
I see the sardonic smile, spreading
The silent scream that no one hears
Disappointment twists in the depths of hope
Leaving behind a tiny shard of doubt
Forever embedding itself in my heart
I hear the malicious laughter
Reverberating through my mind
I am in so much pain, but yet I cannot cry
My mind’s eye, a hazy maze; I cannot think
I know my heart is not my own
That maniacal laughter is all I hear
That cold-blodded smile is all I see
My soul cries out for help
Blood curdling screams that fall on deaf ears
No one hears? No one cares?
The very thought that shatters
The brittle wall of my sanity
Who would throw themselves into this abyss?
No one sees, no one knows; only you and I
How can they help what they cannot see?
How can I tell if I cannot speak?
How can I think if you do not let me?
I want to break free from this pain
But no, I will not die; it shall not be
I must be strong for you
I must hold on for me
For life is such a precious thing
This cancerous pain grows everyday
Engulfing all of me, while I breathe
There is just one truth today
That I know I hate you, but oh, I must forgive
For how can I hate myself?
© Sharon Kaur-Schuelke
Anxiety from something missed
is replaced with the joy of discovery
and disbelief that we have been blessed
with the miracle of life.
The joy of discovery
is replaced with the excitement of tomorrow
in anticipation of announcements and congratulations
for the change that you would bring into our life.
The excitement of tomorrow
is replaced with the horror of today
when the illusion of happiness to come
is shattered to slivers within mere seconds.
The horror of today
is replaced with hope for another day
and strength to start over again
for life must go on without you.
© Sharon Kaur-Schuelke
little pure light
shining bright
innocent eyes
sweet smile
twirling twirling
clockwise anticlockwise
dancing feet
red frock swirling
infectious giggles
jingling bangles
swaying to music
the pretend princess
© Sharon Kaur-Schuelke
Today is the Day of Truth
I vowed to be True to Myself
But I have done nought except let Me down
Dare I say No More
Dare I tell you to Fuck Off
Today is the Day I teach you how to treat me
Keep your Lies in your Purse
I will not corrupt my Soul with your Untruths
Your curses are nought but a reflection of You
You Fool me No More
Today is the Day I am Free of you
Your words have an Effect on me No More
I See you, all of you, in a way your Minions do not
They will do your bidding, of that I am Sure
But not me, No More shall I let Me down
Today, I tell you to Fuck Off.
© Sharon Kaur-Schuelke
Sipping hot tea by the fire, watching raindrops
leave trails on the windowpane;
There she was, walking idly in the rain,
strolling along, not a care in the world.
Here and there they rush around, hunched over to
protect themselves from the icy onslaught;
And there she was, enjoying the feel of cool rain on warm skin,
sticking her tongue out to taste the sky.
The streets are dotted with umbrellas, both young and old
decked out in vibrant and colorful raincoats;
But she, such a silly girl, had want of neither,
lauging instead at the quizzical stares of passersby.
It is warm and dry by the fire, safe and sound
wrapped up in a blanket, so afraid to catch a chill;
She was thoroughly soaked, her clothes sticking to every curve,
leaving so little to the imagination of twisted minds.
She stares out at the throng, all hurrying to some place new,
thinking about the girl she once was;
She skipped in the rain, splashing puddles all the way home,
dreaming of love, romance and Paris.
© Sharon Kaur-Schuelke
one step forward
two steps backwards
two steps forward
one step backwards
on and on spinning the wheel
round and round the wheels go
so much movement
too much inertia
so much ability
too much exhaustion
on and on spinning the wheel
round and round the wheels go
© Sharon Kaur-Schuelke
Fool that I am, now I finally know
To think that I could find another you
Fate mocks me
Time reopens the wound so deep
Reality fades away
The memories rejuvenated
The black cloud descends, lusting to quench its thirst
The pain floods me, wrenching apart my soul
Broken and torn, yet you do not care to spare
That tiny breath of life that is left in me
Go away, leave me alone
For though I loved you once, I love you no more
No longer a memory I yearn to relive
But a nightmare I wish to forget
This is meant to be, I know it now
It is time to let go.
© Sharon Kaur-Schuelke
Silence seeps into the still
The warm night breeze delays its hum
Dancing leaves suspend themselves
The lapping waves have done their deed
It is now time.
I feel the cold touch of your hand
I know you are here with me now
As you patiently wait, consoling yourself
Urging me on, with such haste
I must now choose.
It gleams under the moonlight
Silvery and beautiful, deceivingly innocent
I see my face, the fear in my eyes
Then I see you, the hope in yours
I must do it now.
I close my eyes, shut you out
I say a prayer, would He hear?
I ask the Lord to forgive me, my sins
I pray for deliverance
I am about to do the unforgivable.
I open my eyes, hear your comforting voice
My wrists are slit, I stare with horror at the red
Blood oozes painfully unto my skirt
Tears roll down my cheeks, my body trembles
I am in disbelief.
I did not do this!
I do not remember!
The knife! The knife!
It is stained! The knife!
I do not remember!
I did not do this!
I hear you snarl
But I know I have won
For when I look down at my wrists
No blood do I see
Only the tears I have wept.
You are gone but I’m still here
I look around, listening
The leaves resume dancing
To the soft humming of the wind
The waves lap in response once again.
I know I am safe now
Although I sit here all alone
In the warm darkness
With nothing but a single rose in my lap
And a coffin before me.
© Sharon Kaur-Schuelke
My Celestial Paradise,
A stranger I call my own,
Breathes the promise of life into the recesses of my mind,
My Secret Desires,
Like cool water dripped unto parched lips,
Quench the deepest trenches of the diamond in the rough,
My Sacred Soul,
In quiet restfulness amidst the stir of emotions,
Rejoices with the knowledge of that which is reawakened,
My Unrelenting Devotion,
Pronounced upon the pedestal of self-sacrifice,
Embodies the precious and infinite riches of generations past.
My Careless Obsession,
A stranger I call my own,
Etched into the deep crevices of the profound compass,
My Cautious Heart,
That resounds with the echoes of hymns of gratitude,
Harmonises the wistful sighs of that which is mine,
My Newfound Love,
A fresh and unexpected blossom in a garden of old,
Pounds rhythmically through my veins and stokes the forgotten fires,
My Forbidden Desire,
Springs forth into existence with ripe and unexplored passion,
Fulfilled by the solitude and peace that your presence brings.
© Sharon Kaur-Schuelke
If we never meet again,
If today is indeed farewell,
Know that you have touched
My life in a special way.
Every once in a while, we need someone
To free us from self-imposed imprisonment.
Thank you, dear friend, for you have touched
That cord and roused me from sleep.
If today is indeed farewell,
Be safe then, dear friend.
And may the waves deliver you
Unto the shores of your desires.
© Sharon Kaur-Schuelke
Memories of you and me
Reflecting on the waters of my mind,
These pure, white snowflakes
Spread such warmth through me.
The fun and laughter of days passed
The beauty of our youth, now in it’s prime
These will never return
But you will always be here.
In my heart, as I live
In the warmth of my pure landscape
Of memories of us.
© Sharon Kaur-Schuelke
